Making peace with yourself and loving yourself unconditionally

As God heals me day by day I realize more and more that the best friend I could ever have is myself.  Yes, myself – not my husband not my daughter, not my friends, and not even my family. I say this knowing that most people are at war with themselves.  I could not figure out how could my husband laugh and have fun and be filled with joy while we were mourning.  So I spent a lot of time trying to change myself so that at least I could be like my husband.  Unfortunately I had not learnt his secret - letting go the past and letting the joy of the lord.  After I learnt his secret I tried so much to be joyful.  I could not do this on my own until I invited the Holy Spirit of God who has realy walked with me day by day and helped me to love myself and receive Gods love to heal whatever has been broken from my soul.

A person at war with himself or herself knows how terrible life can be.  Since we spend more time with ourselves than we do with anyone else, not being a friend of yourself can be a major problem.  After all nobody can get away from themselves.  No matter how much you hate yourself, you have to carry yourself along.  Being a friend of yourself means accepting yourself the way you are faults and all – and being able to live with yourself and make yourself happy.  It also means never trying to change yourself to please others.  it means working on your faults and shortcomings to improve yourself and not to please others or be accepted by them. Let God work in you.  Come to the point in humility that in our own we cant and  let God. 

The truth is, people who don’t get along with themselves don’t get along with other people either.  If you can’t accept yourself, nobody else can.  Some may genuinely try to accept you, can’t enjoy anyone.  Self-rejection and self-hatred are common in many people, especially when in grief.  This can cause a lot of strife within ourselves, and in our relationships.  If you dislike yourself, chances are other people will also dislike you.  The way we see ourselves I the way others see us.  How can we expect others to accept us if we reject ourselves?  How can we expect to make peace with others if we haven’t made peace with ourselves?

It would be easy to accept ourselves if we had no flaws.  But we all have flaws, some major, others minor.  The main reason most people reject themselves is because of what they consider their faults, flaws, weaknesses and mistakes.  They cant separate their “who” who they are from their “do” their actions.  Consequently, they carry shame and reproach from their past to their present lives.  They focus so much on what they assume to be flaws that they cant see their strengths.

In an attempt to change myself and be who I was not, I was continually disappointed with myself, often criticized myself, and judged myself harshly.  I had contempt for all my perceived faults and weaknesses, and i was never able to see my strengths, which were overwhelmingly more than my weaknesses. When you are trapped in this kind of situation you feel terrible about who you are and are continually striving to be better.  I failed then to understand that we all ;have strengths and weaknesses.   Instead of wrestling with our weaknesses we need to focus more on our strengths.  Sometimes only we know that our weakness are, nobody else knows and perhaps nobody cares, but when we magnify them we bring them to the fore and people notice.

As individuals we have tremendous value because of who we are, not because of who we should be.  My worth and my value does not come from the fact that I do everything perfectly, but because of who God made me, and the realization that I am human and to error is human.  When I was at war with myself, I did not like myself and tried to change myself continually to be like others friends, colleagues, pictures from magazines, film star, name it! The more I struggled to change, the more frustrated I became.  Instead of wearing yourself out trying to get rid of your weakness, forget them for a moment and focus on your strengths.  Strive to know who you are and accept wholly who you are.

When I look back at the things I complained about myself, I truly wonder what drove me to feel that way, yet I known many people never get out of similar situation throughout their lives.  They live with self-hate, complaining to God and blaming everything and anybody who might have been involved in their tragedies. I have accepted our sons departure was not an accident but God knew that He could trust us with the pain and I have learned to stop wasting my pain in complaining grumbling and self-hate but  to concentrate and direct my energy to something fulfilling – encouring someone who might be under ingoing such pain trough sharing our pain and story through this website.

The other problem that brings strife with ourselves comes from other people’s judgement and opinions of us.  Yet as Christians we know we are not supposed to pass judgement on each other or ourselves.  And because of that deep acceptance and understanding.  I have of myself today, I really don’t care much about what other people say, if you don’t like me, don’t like the way I dress, or the way in conduct my affairs, I will boldly and politely tell you it’s none of your  business.  I am not ready to change to please other people, but at the same time I will never do anything, knowingly to harm or annoy other people.  I just keep what I do as my own affair.

We cannot experience trouble free relationships and life itself unless we get out of strife with ourselves.  This is so important.  The minute you accept yourself as who you are and start to live a purposeful life for yourself, nothing comes close to hurting you.  Even when others talk behind your back or try to prove you to aggression, you know that is not your route.  Yours is to be at peace with  yourself and love yourself unconditionally, when you do this the effects are not just felt by you, but also those closest to you – your spouse, children, family, colleagues and friends.